Comments+CH+connie

Narrative Essay Ms. Porter: Love the line where you mention that yes, you learned not to slam doors, but a more important lesson was there. This helped let the reader know that reading this was worth their time. Good lesson,but needed to forecast that lesson somehow. Maybe add in the story early on about not forgiving him for breaking the building. The story needed an introduction that in some way would help lead us to this conclusion. Interesting how through the shorter sentences you do help give the indication of a younger kid. Still need a little work with fluency.

Now that I think of it, my narrative essay would have been much more interesting if I did add a sentence of not forgiving Willy in the beginning, it would also have been easier to understand my thesis/main idea of what I learned from this situation. I will work more on my fluency next time I write.

Character Essay First, strong word choice that makes your writing easier and more pleasurable to read. Sometimes. . . many times, the paragraphs are not organized around a central point. Work on having topic sentences that guide the reader. You are just one step away from the analysis you need. It is almost there.

I will work more on my fluency and organization it seems like my paragraphs are not so smooth in between. I also realize that my topic sentences are not so clear I should make it more appealing and strong next time.