Shakespeare+Revision+by+James



Revising (not editing) using the 6-traits

What did the author do well overall?

The essay was very good, explained about Shakespeare's life. It also explained throughly about Shakespeare's whole life from childhood to his retirement.

What could the author improve overall?

The author could have wrote more about Shakespeare's life in the Globe Theatre and his life writing plays and sonnets. In addition, he could write more like in the point of view of Shakespeare and have a better flow of the sentences and paragraphs. Last, he should use more of a Middle English style language when writing the essay.

Ideas and Content:

1. Does the author clearly state the main idea of the paper in the first paragraph? What is the main idea?

The author doesn't really discuss the main idea of the paper in the first paragraph, he briefly explains how he is the "literature's greatest influence", but other than that he explains the main points of life he is going to talk about in the essay. The main point of his essay is that Shakespeare is the greatest writer all time.

Explain why the main idea is or is not clear:

The main point is not clear because I don't really get what he is trying to achieve or tell us through the introduction. On the other hand, he briefly explains what he is going to talk about Shakespeare in the next three body paragraphs, giving me a general idea about the essay.

2. Do the middle paragraphs develop / gives examples to support the topic / main ideas?

Yes, the middle paragraphs gives examples to support the topic, but the examples are just true facts about Shakespeare's life; like the death of his twins and his siblings. The main idea would have been developed better if he actually talked more about Shakespeare's life in the Globe Theatre.

Does each supporting paragraph develop one idea or example?

Yes, each paragraph gives each period of his life; his childhood, career, and after retirement.

Do any paragraphs need clarification or expansion?

The second paragraph that explains Shakespeare's life in the Globe Theatre should have been longer and more clarified because that was the most important part of Shakespeare's life.

3. Does the ending bring the paper to a satisfactory close?

The ending of the essay brings the paper to a satisfactory close since it does give a simple ending to the essay; he talks about the death of Shakespeare. But I believe the conclusion could have been better if he wrote the main points of the essay down.

Explain how the ending works or does not work:

The ending works okay because it talks about Shakespeare's death but it is kind of weird or strange in a sense that the person, narrator, talks when he died and talks about the future.

Organization:

1. Are there any parts of the paper that should be reordered? Explain:

The useless parts are the parts about his children dying because that doesn't have much important in the life of Shakespeare, may be in his mental health.

2. Do the transitions in the paper work? Is there an over use of “and, so, but, then, or”?

The transitions didn't really work out because he used the word "I" in the beginning of the paper. Instead, he should have focused more about the flow between the paragraph, linking every period of his life.

Sentence Fluency:

1. Are there rambling and/or confusing sentences? Fix two and put a star next to the two you improved.

No, his sentences and vocabulary were rather simple. The only confusing part was when he discusses his education. (I put the star and wrote my revision on the draft. )

2. Does the author use a variety of sentence lengths? Attempt to combine some sentences using a semi-colon or a comma and coordinating conjunction.

The author does not use a variety of sentence lengths; most of his sentences are simple. My correction: However, my literacy in Latin and classical Greek supported the fact that I had schooling; also people could tell I was educated after looking at my work. Another correction: I bought a new house at the age of fifteen, and it was the biggest house in Stratford; however, people were not sure if I had bought the house with my own money or my father's money.

Citing Sources:

1. Highlight all the in-text citations -There was no in-text citations. 2. Does the author use in-text citations for any information that is not common knowledge or is a direct quotation? -No, he does not use any in-text citations. 3. Are there any sentences or sections that don’t sound like the author’s work? Fix these or cite these as necessary. Don’t be a plagiarist! -His sentences and sections seem like they were organized by himself after reviewing the notecards; he did not plagiaries. 4. Does the author have a works cited list in MLA format? Check the wiki for links to MLA citation information. -He has the work cited list in MLA format in his stickies where he wrote all his notes down about Shakespeare's life.