Becoming+Shakespeare+Revisions+Bobby+Choi

Revising Shakespeare

Author: Bobby Choi

Reader: Erika Flores

Revising (not editing) using the 6-traits:

What did the author do well overall?

Overall, the author did a good job staying in character and made the paper into an interesting story.

What could the author improve overall?

The author could improve on putting a little more vocabulary.

Ideas and Content:

1. Does the author clearly state the main idea of the paper in the first paragraph? What is the main idea?

Explain why the main idea is or is not clear:

The author clearly states the main idea in the first paragraph because it is stated that Shakespeare's greatest works was homed in the Globe Theatre. It describes the theatre as wood with a light shining through a hole in the roof, which lights a small stage.

2. Do the middle paragraphs develop / gives examples to support the topic / main ideas? Does each supporting paragraph develop one idea or example? Do any paragraphs need clarification or expansion?

The middle paragraphs support the topic by telling a story of how the theatre came to be. Each paragraph develops an idea/example of its own and sticks to that idea throughout each paragraph. Some paragraphs need some explanation of the characters included in the writing.

3. Does the ending bring the paper to a satisfactory close? Explain how the ending works or does not work:

The ending brings the paper to a satisfactory close by ending it with Queen Elizabeth II opening the theatre personally and having many visitors to come to the Globe.

Organization:

1. Are there any parts of the paper that should be reordered? Explain:

I don't thing there should be any parts of the paper that should be reordered, since at the end of each paragraph it ends with a sentence that leads to another topic for the next paragraph.

2. Do the transitions in the paper work? Is there an over use of “and, so, but, then, or”?

The transitions in the paper work, and there is no over use of "and, so, but, then, or"

Sentence Fluency:

1. Are there rambling and/or confusing sentences? Fix two and put a star next to the two you improved.

2. Does the author use a variety of sentence lengths? Attempt to combine some sentences using a semi-colon or a comma and coordinating conjunction.

Citing Sources:

1. Highlight all the in-text citations 2. Does the author use in-text citations for any information that is not common knowledge or is a direct quotation? 3. Are there any sentences or sections that don’t sound like the author’s work? Fix these or cite these as necessary. Don’t be a plagiarist! 4. Does the author have a works cited list in MLA format? Check the wiki for links to MLA citation information.