Personal+Narrative+Essay+YJ+(Jenny)+J.

**Part I: Examining an example: "A Shirt Full of Bees"**
Points to contemplate:
 * a narrative tells a story
 * a narrative has a point (aka - a thesis)
 * a narrative focuses on key moments and quickly deals with necessary, but uninteresting information
 * a narrative uses a consistent POV (1st or 3rd)
 * a narrative is rich in detail (that is, important/significant/interesting detail)
 * a narrative includes an interesting/creative introduction
 * a narrative includes a conclusion that leaves the reader thinking
 * a narrative essay includes several paragraphs that reflect on WHY the event described is important
 * How did you change? What did you learn? WHY is it significant?

Questions: (post answers on your wiki page) What creative strategy does the author use to begin the story? What is the point (or thesis) of the narrative? What is 'the moment' on which the author focuses? What events are not central to the story and 'disappear in the puff of a sentence'? (It's necessary information, but detail is not needed.) What is the POV? What are the key details in the story? How does the author leave the reader thinking?

**Part II: Prewriting (post on your wiki page)**
List 5 events of significance in your life. - Continued betrayals - Choosing a path (high school) - Creation of genuine "team" project - F on major project - Being noticed for the first time in a social event (Ladybug and iPod)

List 5 moments that last no more than 5 minutes where you had an aha or you didn't realize at the time the significance. - Johnny and the Stanford T-shirt - Snow-cleaning experience (for the community) - Space camp jeopardy experience - Rock climbing - Loss: SinoLanguage competition

Choose two of those events and free write for 4-6 minutes about each of them. Choose one of the events and add setting and dialogue.

Choose an event (either the ones you brainstormed with or another one) and answer the following questions:

What is the thesis? I had always been a coward, but I finally got over it.

What is the significance (one sentence)? As stated above, the fact that I climbed to the top of the rock-climbing wall and overcame my fear is most significant.

What is the setting? The story takes place in the newly built phoenix gym, on the seventh floor of the G building, by the rock-climbing station.

Write one sentence or phrase for each of the senses (taste, touch, smell. . .) taste: of bitterness, as nervousness worsens touch: the touch of the rocks and the hardening of my hands, the loosening of the grip, etc. smell: nothing in particular; maybe I can include something about the stifling smell towards the top sight: everything looking small below hear: people from down, talking to me and giving me directions

Start writing.

First 300 Words or So: “Just a little bit more!” … Heights are deceiving. From the bottom, the top never seems that high; from the top, it’s an entirely different story. _ I am a coward. I do not – or cannot – take risks. I am afraid of too many things: water, heights, fire, and… people. Never have I been on an amusement ride beyond the level of Peter Pan, Spinning Cup, and Merry-Go-Round. I can’t swim or ski unless at the lowest course possible. Even worse, I can’t stand playing at the beach, in the fear that I might run out bitten by something, big or small. Every time I board a plane, I shiver at the thought of the plane crashing. So it is established – I am a coward. It is truly a wonder that I can go around breathing in air that may be poisonous, and riding vehicles that may explode. One thing I know for sure is that I haven’t been this bad all my life. At some point, I do remember myself enjoying myself at the deepest range of the swimming pool, at the mid-high course of the skiing resort, and at the 360-degree loop thrill rides (though I was forced into it). So I know that I can do it; it’s not my physical capacity, but my mental courage, that blocks my way. Perhaps that’s why we’re braver as kids; we don’t know enough to worry. _ The idea of rock-climbing was not very inviting; in fact, it was more than horrifying. “Eight meters is the most challenging height for most people,” my teacher explained matter-of-factly. Yeah, thanks for the encouragement. My memory flashed back to a scene just a few months ago, when I screamed my lungs out in front of the entire eighth grade class after swinging down from an 8-meter post at a high-ropes course. My teachers had reminded me about this embarrassing moment for quite a long time – in parent-teacher conferences, and in small classroom jokes. They even referred to the event in their messages on my yearbook. I could picture myself adding a sequel to the already shameful – and involuntarily widespread – episode.

Organization
 * Part III: Draft 1: (300 - 600 words)**

Introduction -- (maybe)
 * attention grabbing statement (dialogue, startling statement, question, quotation)
 * introduce the focus of the paper - change or idea learned
 * establish the narrative POV - 1st person
 * thesis should be the last sentence of this paragraph

Body Paragraphs (or you could start in the middle of the story and then back up to an introductory line)
 * begin telling the story (narrative) of change or idea learned
 * include specific events that caused the change
 * focus on showing not telling

Conclusion (might be several paragraphs)
 * reflect on how you changed or what you learned
 * explain WHY the change or idea learned is significant
 * end with with something for the reader to ponder

Make sure your narrative essay included the following:
 * a narrative tells a story
 * a narrative has a point (aka - a thesis)
 * a narrative focuses on key moments and quickly deals with necessary, but uninteresting information
 * a narrative uses a consistent POV (1st or 3rd)
 * a narrative is rich in detail (that is, important/significant/interesting detail, plus use of the senses)
 * a narrative includes an interesting/creative introduction
 * a narrative includes a conclusion that leaves the reader thinking
 * a narrative essay includes several paragraphs that reflect on WHY the event described is important
 * How did you change? What did you learn? WHY is it significant?

Examples: Narrative essays from Newsweek

Part IV: Revising
Draft 1



Draft 2 (after in-class revision)



Self-Revision



Draft 3 (after self-revision)



Revision Notes by Yeayoung K.



Draft 4 (after revision by Yeayoung K.)



Revision Notes by Sarah B.



Draft 5 (Final Draft, after revision by Sarah B.)