Revision+Backup+for+Christine+Becoming+Shakespeare+Rough+Draft

** Revising (not editing) using the 6-traits: ** What did the author do well overall? The author’s language is very fluent and easy to follow along. The life of the main character explained in a manner that is easy to comprehend (purpose well achieved). What could the author improve overall? The author could revise parts of the conclusion to bring a more solid ending to the story.


 * Ideas and Content:**

1. Does the author clearly state the main idea of the paper in the first paragraph? What is the main idea? The main idea is: “William Shakespeare (I) led the most exciting life a man could live.” Explain why the main idea is or is not clear: Yes, the main idea is very clear; the author intends to inform the readers about the life of the narrator (in this case, William Shakespeare). This can be easily inferred, because in the beginning paragraph, the narrator suggests that he will give reasons and support for “why this guy’s life was so exciting.”

2. Do the middle paragraphs develop / gives examples to support the topic / main ideas? Does each supporting paragraph develop one idea or example? Do any paragraphs need clarification or expansion?

Yes, the middle paragraphs develop and give examples to support the main idea by explaining in further detail the life of the narrator. The first body paragraph starts out with an introduction about Shakespeare’s birth and education, and the following paragraphs explain his marriage and career, respectively. The conclusion seems to be weaker compared to the other paragraphs. Improvements could be made by adding more details about the cause of death, or by solidifying the final paragraph with more concrete information (it seems a bit repetitive).

3. Does the ending bring the paper to a satisfactory close? Explain how the ending works or does not work:

The ending is the weakest point in the story. Although it is interesting, it seems a little repetitive. If it could be more concise and solid, it would be fine.


 * Organization:**

1. Are there any parts of the paper that should be reordered? Explain:

The paper is ordered properly; it starts out with birth and ends with death. By arranging the events in chronological order, the story is easier to read and understand.

2. Do the transitions in the paper work? Is there an over use of “and, so, but, then, or”?

Yes, the transitions in the paper work. There are not many phrases like “and, so, but, then, or or.” The transitions between paragraphs, especially, are varied. There is only one place where the transition is repetitive: in the second to the last paragraph. The transition here could be improved by moving the phrases around.


 * Sentence Fluency:**

1. Are there rambling and/or confusing sentences? Fix two and put a star next to the two you improved.

No, I do not spot any awkward or rambling sentences.

2. Does the author use a variety of sentence lengths? Attempt to combine some sentences using a semi-colon or a comma and coordinating conjunction.

The author uses a variety of sentence lengths, and the sentence patterns are not boring.


 * Citing Sources:**

1. **Highlight all the in-text citations** 2. Does the author use in-text citations for any information that is not common knowledge or is a direct quotation? Yes, for most of the events, I think the author needs to include in-text citations (because they’re not common knowledge). 3. Are there any sentences or sections that don’t sound like the author’s work? Fix these or cite these as necessary. Don’t be a plagiarist! All parts of the essay sound like the author’s own writing. 4. Does the author have a works cited list in MLA format? Check the wiki for links to MLA citation information. No, the author doesn’t have a Works Cited Page.