Becoming+Shakespeare+Revision+Erika+Flores

Revising (not editing) using the 6-traits:

What did the author do well overall? The information was well chosen and written in an appealing way.

What could the author improve overall? Paragraph organization could be better. I felt that some parts of the second paragraph could be expanded into a paragraph of their own, particularly the part about thou, thee, and you.

Ideas and Content:

1. Does the author clearly state the main idea of the paper in the first paragraph? What is the main idea? The writing that Shakespeare used was difficult to understand. Explain why the main idea is or is not clear: The sentences of the paragraph could be a little clearer, and the way the word “created” is used could certainly confuse someone who was extremely thick, but the main idea is communicated admirably.

2. Do the middle paragraphs develop / gives examples to support the topic / main ideas? Does each supporting paragraph develop one idea or example? Do any paragraphs need clarification or expansion? I thought that the second paragraph was a little too dense and could be separated into two paragraphs, one explaining the words that Shakespeare used that could be confusing, and another explaining what actors could do to make it more clear.

3. Does the ending bring the paper to a satisfactory close? Explain how the ending works or does not work: The ending does finish on a broad point, which is nice, but the first sentence of the conclusion paragraph is confusing.

Organization:

1. Are there any parts of the paper that should be reordered? Explain: Information concerning how the language was difficult should come before information regarding what actors did about it so that more specific details can be provided.

2. Do the transitions in the paper work? Is there an over use of “and, so, but, then, or”? The transitions between paragraphs could be more smooth. There is not an over use of the mentioned words.

Sentence Fluency:

1. Are there rambling and/or confusing sentences? Fix two and put a star next to the two you improved. Some sentences can be confusing.

2. Does the author use a variety of sentence lengths? Attempt to combine some sentences using a semi-colon or a comma and coordinating conjunction. Yes, there are a good number of ideas connected by conjunctions and it works well.

Citing Sources:

1. Highlight all the in-text citations 2. Does the author use in-text citations for any information that is not common knowledge or is a direct quotation? Not really. 3. Are there any sentences or sections that don’t sound like the author’s work? Fix these or cite these as necessary. Don’t be a plagiarist! 4. Does the author have a works cited list in MLA format? Check the wiki for links to MLA citation information.