Becoming+Shakespeare+Revision

Revising (not editing) using the 6-traits:

What did the author do well overall? The author did well on collecting information because his informations were very fascinating.

What could the author improve overall?

This essay should be written in the first point of view (POV of Shakespeare's)

Ideas and Content:

1. Does the author clearly state the main idea of the paper in the first paragraph? What is the main idea? It is kind of vague, but the main idea was introducing the life if the Elizabethan Times. Explain why the main idea is or is not clear: There is no clear thesis statement.

2. Do the middle paragraphs develop / gives examples to support the topic / main ideas? Does each supporting paragraph develop one idea or example? Yes each supporting paragraph develop one idea or example. Do any paragraphs need clarification or expansion? The last paragraph and the first chapter needs clarification. The last pharagraph didn’t rap up the essay, it made me get confused.

3. Does the ending bring the paper to a satisfactory close? Explain how the ending works or does not work: The ending part is the part were Jangsha needs a big revision on.

Organization:

1. Are there any parts of the paper that should be reordered? Explain:

This essay is well ordered, but each of the body paragraphs needs grammatical corrections.

2. Do the transitions in the paper work? Is there an over use of “and, so, but, then, or”?

Transition does not exist in the essay.

Sentence Fluency:

1. Are there rambling and/or confusing sentences? Fix two and put a star next to the two you improved. No, all of the sentences are clear and concise.

2. Does the author use a variety of sentence lengths? Attempt to combine some sentences using a semi-colon or a comma and coordinating conjunction. Yes, the author uses a variety of sentence lengths. He tries really hard to combine sentences using ‘;’s and commas.

Citing Sources:

1. Highlight all the in-text citations No in-text citations! 2. Does the author use in-text citations for any information that is not common knowledge or is a direct quotation? no Are there any sentences or sections that don’t sound like the author’s work? Fix these or cite these as necessary. He just wrote the URL. Does the author have a works cited list in MLA format? Check the wiki for links to MLA citation information. He needs to change the URL in the MLA format of citation.

BY: JACK KIM