Essay+Comments

__//**Comments- Turnitin.com**//__

 * Narrative Essay :**

Based on my comments, I realized that I did a decent job of using tools such as hyperbole, simile, etc. In terms of sentence patterns, I think I really need to work on combining ideas into sentences a bit more. Based on the comment Ms. Porter made on "By the look of his clothes.....", I was able to see the a bit awkwardness from the sentence. However, I was also happy about some of the sentences you liked. For instance, the sentence about the horse galloping was descriptive as well. Towards the end of my essay, I realized that there were some ideas about entertainment show that could correlate with the ideas I wanted to represent, yet, it was too small of a detail to help people understand my idea; It was "too modern", as Ms. Porter mentioned. These comments helped me learn that I should not use such ideas where it is not broad enough (cartoons such as South Park), as well as thinking broadly mentioning an idea; to explain that we should value food, I can explain that many poor countries cannot obtain such valuable food, instead of mentioning one country such as Nicaragua. The comments on this essay helped me understand explaining broadly, rather than going into details such as names where people would not understand. I have been applying these kind of themes to my essays, and thanks to these comments, it might just do the trick for improving my writing.


 * Characterization Essay:**

There were 2 main factors that helped teach me a lesson from this essay. To begin, comments were one of essential parts that taught me a lesson. By observing these comments, I was able to understand that somehow stating an idea needed extreme amount of reasoning. Like science or math, when I stated an idea that could be an argument or an opinion about //Romeo and Juliet,// simply the page number did not do the job. For example, if I mentioned that Romeo was what Juliet was looking for, stating that idea and the page number wasn't convincing enough. It would have been much more persuasive and intuitive for others if I mentioned a quote from the page number relevant to the idea, then translate it. By doing these 3 steps I would have received a much better score, and it also would have polished my essay to get "deeper" in the story. Now the second factor that taught me a valuable lesson from this assignment was the time I handed it in. Because of multiple technical difficulties, the time I turned this essay in was late. As a result, it had dropped my score, and it taught me a lesson I would never forget: __//Never underestimate the power of the time of an assignment for it to be turned in.//__ This is something I would never forget, and whenever there are technical difficulties, I should somehow figure out a way beforehand, or the "power of time for an assignment to be turned in" would strike me!